Mish-Mash

HOLIDAYS
It's been awhile since I blogged, so here's the lowdown on the holidays. For Thanksgiving, we did the actual holiday with Ryan's cousin's family, who lives in town. It was a pretty okay time, although it was weird not seeing Bob and Carol there, and there were considerably more small children underfoot. Interesting how families grow that way. One positive thing that came out of it was my introduction to Karaoke Revolution for PS2, which was a hoot and a half. I really have to get that! Now, what would be great would be if they could combine Dance Dance Revolution AND Karaoke Revolution.....whew....

When Thanksgiving weekend hit, we went to my parents' house. I was glad to see my brother and his family, including my two amazing nephews. We weren't sure if they were going to be able to come--they've been really busy and stretched thin since my sister-in-law's dad was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. But they braved a day with us. I couldn't believe how big Brenden has gotten! He's seven months old, but wearing year-old clothes and rapidly growing out of them...

For Christmas, we're probably just going to hang with my parents again. We probably won't see Abe and Tracie and the kids until after the New Year. It will be nice to have a relaxing holiday....I fail to see how running around all the time really puts anyone in the holiday spirit.

THEATER
It's kind of redundant for me to put this here, since the long and short of it is that I've decided to abstain from theater for awhile. I didn't audition for Virginia Woolf or anything at the Civic, either--I decided that my sense of balance and well-being was too fragile right now to endure another rigorous rehearsal process. Plus, I can't say that I truly love any of the shows being auditioned right now. Virginia Woolf is more like a trainwreck I can't look away from--I'm intrigued, even repulsed, but it's not something I would love for the sake of doing it. I would really just enjoy the people I'd be doing it with. So a little break for me. Meanwhile, my friend Beth is auditioning for the Civic's Shakespeare in Hollywood, which is one I really want to see when it opens! Wahoo!

NANO
I finished!
50,131/50,000 (according to the NaNo word counter...my own count says over 50,200. But oh well)

SCHOOL
The semester is coming to a close. Finals are next week in all of my classes. It's hard to believe it's gone by. Five whole classes! And now they're done. I will probably get to see a lot of my PLATO and Basic Comp. students again in higher-level classes--a lot of them have been telling me they're registered with me for winter. I think it's awesome that they are excited about that--I don't have the heart to point out that I teach most of the classes at this campus now, so it's not like they have a whole lot of choice. ;)

I did have my 30-day evaluation just before Thanksgiving, and it went very well. Really, there wasn't much to say! I overachieved, like usual, with my goals sheet and even in creating a sheet that detailed some non-goal-related achievements--stuff more related to my attitude and willingness. Diana said she's happy with what I've accomplished, and I'm glad for that.

Lately I find myself struggling with the students who are not attentive and/or constantly try to get out of doing actual work. Believe it or not, this is not most of the students (as cynical minds would have you believe). Really, just a few. And I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. Partly I think, "well, you've paid your money to get the time with me. And if this is how you want to spend it, so be it. It's your dime." So that part of me wants to just let them go about their merry ways and if they fail, or get a grade they don't like, that's their deal.

On the other hand, part of me really wants to whip these people into some shape--to knock it into their heads that this is not acceptable, and disrespectful to me. That's what gets me so worked up--it is disrespectful to the teacher, and on my less-than-100% days, I respond to it that way. I don't like that I do; I'd like to think that I'm above that. But I also remember that the teachers I respected most in high school and college were the ones that demanded excellence, and you really needn't bother showing up for class unprepared and unwilling to work. It just wasn't accepted.

I wonder if the two attitudes are not entirely mutually exclusive....can I do both? Be firm and yet detached? Someone mentioned the other day somewhere about the Buddhist tenet of not forming attachments--to things, to people, to ideas, to outcomes. But to be peaceful in whatever you do. That makes sense to me on some level, but I have no idea how to achieve it!

Meanwhile, I've been reading Alfie Kohn again--this time about his take on grades, standardized testing, and what our schools need to be for students to really thrive (he focuses on K-12, although I see a lot of his theories as applicable to higher education as well). I'm wondering how I might incorporate some of those strategies into my classrooms next term. What if there were no tests, no grades, and everything was about the pursuit of knowledge for its own sake? If students were allowed to explore what actually interested them within a field, creating their own structure that they controlled? A deeply engrained neural pathway or two in my brain objects to this, saying that it would be chaos, but then again, I'm not so sure. And can there be a balance between imposed structure (what I'm telling them they have to do) and self-created structure?

HEALTH
Since Thanksgiving, I've really rededicated myself to my own personal health and well-being. Part of this is weight loss, but another, possibly even more significant part, is just learning how to balance. I have a sort-of new job that takes a lot of time, and has a lengthy commute, so that's a huge part of my day and week; I have a husband that I want to see, and friends I want to talk to. And on top of all of that, I want to be able to make sensible choices that are good for me in terms of my relationship with food and moving my body.

To that end, I joined Sparkpeople.com, which so far has been a blessing in every way. It costs nothing, for one thing, and yet offers so much in terms of information, food and activity trackers, articles, and community. It reminds me a little of Weight Watchers, in that the community aspect is vital to success--although WW cost money, and required your time to attend meetings (and it cost extra if you wanted to access online features!). So here, you get that feeling without paying money and you can have it 24/7, whatever time of day or night you happen to need it. It also has the food and activity trackers, which are awesome in how specific they are. And the best feature, in my opinion, is the sister site, Sparkrecipes.com, which offers a recipe calculator--you enter in the ingredients and their amounts, tell it the number of servings, and it gives you a nutritional breakdown per serving. Absolutely brilliant. Why has no one thought of this before? (or at least offered it for free?)

And so, I'm on my journey once again. I've lost a little weight thus far, but I'm trying not to be results-oriented (though that's difficult). I have noticed how much more energy I have into the night, especially on Mondays and Tuesdays when I'm at work for so long. I find I have more energy going into a night class than some of my students who've been sleeping half the day, even though I've been at work 9 hours and counting! That's kind of fun.

One of the most interesting moments so far, though, happened just today. I had kind of a lousy start--I thought it would be a "snow day" (or technically an "ice day") because of the big storm passing through the area, but they didn't cancel. So I had to get up extra early because I knew the roads would be bad. Then, for some reason, breakfast really didn't fill me, and before I knew it, I was on one of my emotional eating spirals. Mind you, I have never been able to identify one AS it begins--usually I can only see it after I've gone through it and managed to eat my way through my kitchen, or a vending machine, or whatever. By then I've eaten myself nearly to sickness and regret every moment I just spent. Today, however, I actually caught myself. I listened to my body and it told me I wasn't hungry....I'd just eaten lunch, and it was a good, full lunch....it was my mind calling out for more, my mind that wanted appeasement. I could actually separate the sensations of being physically hungry and mentally/emotionally hungry. It was actually kind of surreal! I hope I can do it again next time this happens. Because I managed to keep my eating in check today, despite considerably bad odds, and I want to keep it up.

Victory!

Yesterday we officially paid off our first credit card. We had decided back in the summer, when I first took the new job, that we would wait on buying a house until we had paid down some of our debt. We had done some calculations and discovered that while we could afford a house, we couldn't afford a house AND make headway on debt. We could do one or the other, but not both at once. So, the somewhat responsible people we are, we waited and focused on the debt. Yesterday we mailed the final check to pay off the first card we focused on. It had a decent balance on it, and the interest rate was ludicrous. And now it's gone! Ryan photocopied the check before he mailed it, and we plan to make a "Wall of Shame-turned-Fame," showing our progress. We don't plan to have it all paid off by spring (which is our tentative timeline to buying a home), but we should have made a serious dent by then, which will in turn probably get us a better mortgage. We're also saving a lot each month, so we might have the beginnings of a real down payment.

I find it interesting that the last loan officer we spoke to about mortgages said he thought it was fairly silly to worry about down payments anymore....most folks don't have the traditional 20%, and it doesn't knock that much off your overall monthly payments from a bank perspective. However, when we were seriously looking at one house and even went as far as to get a pre-approval for it, our lack of down payment meant we had to get mortgage insurance. Mortgage insurance adds as much as $200 per month to your payment. To me, that's significant and thoroughly discouraging. And yes, it only lasts as long as it takes you to accrue that 20% equity, but that takes a long time if you're only paying the minimum--and let's really face the irony here. They're essentially making the people WHO CAN'T AFFORD THE DOWN PAYMENT pay more. Does that make sense to anyone? Or am I the only one who finds it a little strange and illogical?

Granted, I understand that the mortgage companies need the reassurance that, should you default on your loan, they won't be socked with hundreds of thousands of dollars of unpaid mortgage. I understand that concern. However, perhaps the real determining factor should be repayment histories--examining a potential customer's credit score and seeing how well they've managed their obligations. We take great pride in the fact that, even when things were at their very worst financially speaking, we somehow managed--on one income!--to squeak through with only one late payment on our records. Only one! And that was a 30-60 day payment, not a complete non-payment. Just mailed it a little late. I think that should count for more in the scheme of things, because it really was an accomplishment. But who asked me? No one, that's who. *laugh*

NANO
I'm still about a day behind in my NaNoWriMo word count, but it's still the best I've ever done, and really the most fiction I've ever managed to write. I can feel myself hitting the wall a little bit--since I didn't start out with a clear direction for the story, I'm fumbling with what to do next, and how things are going to resolve themselves.

Word count: 23536/50000

NaNoWriMo, Memories, etc.

For those of you who are unaware, November is so much more of a month than the mark of radio stations playing premature Christmas music and the beginning of the mad holiday dash to see as many relatives possible in 30 days. It's also an institution to those of us who enjoy writing (and don't necessarily pride ourselves on being particularly good at it): National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo. Anyone feeling gutsy can attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November--that's about 1,667 words on average per day for 30 days. It is supposed to be an original work, not something you started long ago (although you are allowed to do some pre-November planning, outlining and such, but no actual writing).

I have tried, and failed, to complete this challenge since 2004. The timing is never good, it seems; in the fall of 2004, I was applying for and deciding on graduate schools. In 2005, I was in graduate school; and worst of all, in 2006, I was finishing up my manuscript for said graduate school. Any way you sliced it, I just didn't have time to dedicate to fiction. This year, I wouldn't say I necessarily had more time than any other year previously; I just feel more up to it. And so far, I've kept up remarkably well. I'll be posting my word count on here as I blog, so you can keep up. And it's never too late to try! Sign up anytime you want. My friend Beth signed up mid-month in 2004, and has kicked my butt every year!

FAMILY
My grandmother is currently in the hospital, and probably got a pacemaker installed today (I'll get the whole scoop later tonight when I call home). She was having multiple falls at her assisted living home--4 falls in 8 days--and the only way they can account for them is that her heart rate sometimes drops inexplicably low. While installing a pacemaker is risky for anyone, especially someone her age, it makes sense to be as proactive as possible. If she keeps falling, she could eventually really hurt herself, or else become afraid to walk and take to a wheelchair before her time. Either way, we don't want to impair the quality of her life by not taking all the possible steps to ensure it.

TEACHING
This bit really doesn't have much to do with teaching, per se, but I did run into a former student today when I was at the Fulton St. location. I'd finished with my class and was out the door when I saw her in the hall. This young woman has a special place in my heart; she confided some very personal information to me last spring and I was so honored that she did (it also explained a lot about why she was struggling in my class when she so obviously shouldn't have been). I helped her as much as I could, and she showed me today that she has this little green token that is given out when one reaches 3 months of straight sobriety. I cheered aloud! She is such a precious person, so smart and so nice, that she deserves not to have to lose a battle to alcoholism so young. I have written a poem about her, although it's not finished yet; when it is, I'll put it up here. I'm just so proud of her for taking control of her life. And I'm glad I could be there for her at a difficult time of realization and taking steps to get help.

Nanowrimo word count: 17,047/50,000