Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Day Two

Today is Day 2 of my 30 days. Yesterday went fairly well. I did manage to get in 30 min. of yoga despite coming home late and tired. It did feel good to go to bed after that....rather than stampeding into bed, to quietly relax myself to into it. I think I got a deeper sleep.

I've been following my meal plan, more or less....some adjustments made, as it was planned out two weeks ago and sometimes the planning wasn't great--running out of this or that--so I've had to adjust, but I've done what I can and I've stayed within my guidelines anyway. So kudos to me. :)

Had an interesting day today at school. Last week, I sort of laid the smack down on a student who, in my opinion, had really dropped the ball. Granted, it wasn't really a huge problem--the amount of work he was missing wasn't actually going to affect his grade very much, but I wanted to make a point. He had emailed some assignments to me--not telling me that he was doing that, and then not checking in when he didn't hear from me. When it came to light that he had, fact, emailed me, I told him I wouldn't accept them since they are now quite late, as per my late policy.

Well, let's just say he wasn't happy with that.

And I want to say, I have a soft spot for this student. I think he's a smart kid who is capable of a lot, but he's not living up to it. All the more reason why I really wanted him to get the message on this one.

Needless to say, he got upset enough to contact my supervisor, who in turn contacted me. She was with me on the issue, but since I never specified in my syllabus about the email process, never made policies saying that you have to do it this way, and this part is my responsibility and this part is yours...etc. then I can't hold him to anything. So the obvious step now is to make a policy as an addendum to all of my syllabi, and include it from now on....but the second step is to deal with this student.

It was just a little upsetting, because I had felt really good and really strong about that exchange....I think I blogged about it last week....I felt like I'd finally stood up and been the teacher I wanted to be. Not unkind, but not a pushover either. *shrug* It was just weird that it should work out that way. But I'm not taking it as a deterrent....I will keep my head up and keep doing what I know is right. I accept no unearned guilt.

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Sunday, February 10, 2008

30 Days

I've made a decision: tomorrow begins a new 30-day challenge for me. I've sort of "fallen off the wagon," so to speak, in terms of my attention to myself and my health. So I'm clambering back on.

What prompted this thought was the remembrance of how it felt when I was really paying attention. Not just to things like calories and minutes of activity, but to myself. To my body. What it wants, what it needs, and recognizing the difference between the two. I'm already trying to figure out what it is about my relationship with food that causes me to want to secretly pig out and hide the evidence (although eventually the evidence becomes apparent on my hips). I heard on an informational radio show a tip to parents, saying "let your child serve him or herself at mealtimes. They'll naturally gravitate towards portion sizes that suit them in terms of their hunger and their nutritional needs." And my first thought was, when did that disappear for me? I can't remember a time when I didn't look at food and think MORE!

However, I know that greediness does not respond to restriction. The more I disallow, the more likely I am to break down eventually and eat myself sick. I have to find a happy medium between a rigid, pre-planned meal list and the ability to choose what I feel like eating. I need choices. But above all, I need to learn how to listen to my body and not the little voice inside that wants to hoard and binge. My physical self knows when it's hungry, and how much food will satisfy it. I need to find that voice.

To that end, I'm going to be incorporating daily meditation, and often journalling and/or blogging here as I go. Daily time to be with myself and listen deeply. Because I think what really needs to be addressed is my thought process, those voices inside--some of which are currently louder than others.

So, follow along with my journey, if you will! Hopefully you find some nuggets you can hold on to, too. You can also watch me on Sparkpeople as I track and journal there; my screen name is issa1010.

Here's to 30 days of focus!

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