30 Days

I've made a decision: tomorrow begins a new 30-day challenge for me. I've sort of "fallen off the wagon," so to speak, in terms of my attention to myself and my health. So I'm clambering back on.

What prompted this thought was the remembrance of how it felt when I was really paying attention. Not just to things like calories and minutes of activity, but to myself. To my body. What it wants, what it needs, and recognizing the difference between the two. I'm already trying to figure out what it is about my relationship with food that causes me to want to secretly pig out and hide the evidence (although eventually the evidence becomes apparent on my hips). I heard on an informational radio show a tip to parents, saying "let your child serve him or herself at mealtimes. They'll naturally gravitate towards portion sizes that suit them in terms of their hunger and their nutritional needs." And my first thought was, when did that disappear for me? I can't remember a time when I didn't look at food and think MORE!

However, I know that greediness does not respond to restriction. The more I disallow, the more likely I am to break down eventually and eat myself sick. I have to find a happy medium between a rigid, pre-planned meal list and the ability to choose what I feel like eating. I need choices. But above all, I need to learn how to listen to my body and not the little voice inside that wants to hoard and binge. My physical self knows when it's hungry, and how much food will satisfy it. I need to find that voice.

To that end, I'm going to be incorporating daily meditation, and often journalling and/or blogging here as I go. Daily time to be with myself and listen deeply. Because I think what really needs to be addressed is my thought process, those voices inside--some of which are currently louder than others.

So, follow along with my journey, if you will! Hopefully you find some nuggets you can hold on to, too. You can also watch me on Sparkpeople as I track and journal there; my screen name is issa1010.

Here's to 30 days of focus!